All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
