I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
