thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
