Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
