Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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