remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
