Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
