no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
