I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
