hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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