My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
