Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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