dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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