tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
