She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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