Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
