I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he fucked my hip out of place.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
