I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
