I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
