filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
