She is in my trunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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