STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
wanna go halves on a baby?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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