Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
