I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
