things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
