happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
