He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
