omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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