I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
