eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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