There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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