I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
