he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
