I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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