I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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