He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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