I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
