He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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