you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
