Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
