thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
