theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
