The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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