i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
