how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
