I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
