can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
