I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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