How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
