all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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