you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
