You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
