She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
