that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
