I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
